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GUILT Kills Relationships!!!

Isn’t it amazing how well fear sells? How quickly we buy things and invest our time due to fear? One of the greatest is the fear of failure such as failing to please someone. Failing to live up to expectations created by authorities in society. Authorities can be anyone from a doctor, teacher, preacher, politician, parent or the popular media. They make us feel guilty for doing things and for not doing things.
No relationship can survive if it is grounded on being guilty or feeling guilty.
If one remains guilty before God (justifiably or not), atonement through one’s own efforts become fruitless. To live in guilt brings disconnection between humans and God.
Guilt in the spirit manifests in the psyche and the body through stressful illnesses and psychosomatic symptoms. The feeling or perception of guilt leads to fear of punishment and creates anxiety within the individual. 1 John 4:18 from the Amplified® Bible reads: ”…For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection].”
Boteach indicates that the Jews do not view sin as offending God, but that when one sins, it is against yourself. The Apostles Paul and Peter teaches that the Holy Spirit and Christ is within us (1 John 4:12 – 17). Hence, when we become guilty of a sin or subject our bodies to sin, we sin against ourselves, grief the Holy Spirit in us and become depressed (anxious) because of it – guilt is, in a sense, a self-administered punishment.” (Reber 1985) So, if we all agree that guilt kills relationships, the more important question remains – how do we deal with guilt?
In Romans 3:23-25, Paul says: “Since all have sinned and are fallen short of the honor and glory which God bestows and receives. [All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward [before the eyes of all] as mercy seat and propitiation by His blood [the cleansing and life-giving sacrifice of atonement and reconciliation, to be received] through faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in His divine forbearance He had passed over and ignored former sins without punishment.” (AMP)
This passage inadvertently begs action from us – FORGIVE. Forgive those that willfully sin against you, ask forgiveness from God and release all your grudges and wasteful recordkeeping of wrongdoing. God constantly reminds us that vengeance is His – trust Him explicitly.
Choose life today, choose to have a meaningful life – live and let live. Allow yourself to be rejuvenated and re-fired for the rest of your life’s journey. Revive and rekindle those relationships that guilt killed by taking charge of your life and allowing love to mature in you.
For some it is easy to forgive, some may need a process, some may need to pray and fast, some may need serious support – I pray that God will meet your need.

If you battle with these concepts, contact the author Dr. Sjoerd Alkema on 079 839 7991 or

Born to Shine Magazine